nine
THE WET sand is cool on his back as he lays half submerged in the waves. The heat of the sun is a weight on his chest. Briefly he misses the snow.
He admits to himself that he isn't made for this kind of weather. His skin craves the piercing cold of winter. The weeks of heavy snowfall, blanketing the hills in bright nights. And the gentle quietness of it all as the drifting snowflakes deafen the world and shrink it down to only your body, standing in silence, as your heartbeat slows in wonder.
Atom opens his eyes and sits up. His new leg glistens in the bright daytime. Its glossy black material is smooth to the touch. Tyur was able to model it to the exact contours of his other leg, and it weighs several pounds less than the previous installment. Soon he would learn to stop overcompensating for the difference.
The sight of it should make him happy, and yet—he finds his mind adrift. His thoughts are like falling snow, caught in wind currents, tossing around the sky and never finding their landing place. This blizzard is deafening, for an entirely different reason.
He stands and goes for a run along the beach. He runs until he feels sick, and collapses in the shallows, washing away his sweat. Something sharp scrapes his shoulder blade as he lays in the surf. He scoops up a fist full of sand and washes the object. It turns out to be just a stone. Nothing special, until Atom turns it over in his palm. There, in the center of the blackened stone, is a round pit made of something yellow and warm and metallic. Holding it to the light, it unmistakably resembles gold.
Atom recalls the image of a man.
A man whose flesh was warm with blood. A man whose blood Atom has felt between his fingers, whose blood Atom watched flow freely from a wound inflicted by his own hand. As he turns the stone over in that same hand the golden pit shimmers. It does not taunt him as Atom expects it to. It simply sits, as stones do, and warms his palm.
Atom raises his arm, far back, and tosses it into the ocean. It breaks the surface without a sound and barely a splash and Atom's breath catches. The blizzard clears, and each cascading snowflake finds its place. He stands, dripping, and steps deeper, unbalanced. He dives, eyes open, head submerged, and frantically searches for the stone. It takes close to half an hour but at last he catches a glimpse of a glittering spot on the ocean floor and scoops it up with both hands.
He swims back to shore, exhausted, and breaks into a jog back along the beach. He does not stop until the sand turns to grass and leaves and moss and branches and sand again as he collapses on the floor of the bedroom in Robby's home. He upends his backpack. The radio falls into his lap and as he waits for it to connect across the distance he tries to catch his breath.
"Oh Atom, how nice of you to call. I was just reciting to myself the entirety of Juliet Summer's Sonnet for the Lost and Furious. What atmospheric noises have you decided to share with me today?"
Atom keeps his eyes on the stone in his hand when he says, "I want to help."
"... With my reciting?"
"No—With your plan. I've been thinking, you'll be stronger if you have a partner. Solarius won't be expecting either of us. If we work together we'll have an even greater chance at success."
"Something not working out in paradise?"
"No it... it's good here. Wonderful. But I've come to realize that that's exactly why I can't stay." He swallows, and releases a shuddering breath. "I'm not meant for this kind of life. This life of... peace. As ironic as that may be. Peace is all I've ever wanted. But it doesn't belong to me. This isn't my place. And if I stayed here, or anywhere else in the universe, I'd feel like I've turned my back on humanity. Turned my back on my past. On everything that I am.
"I can't do that, Maverick. I don't want to.
"I want to help save our planet. I want to see it become what it can be. Something new, something beautiful, something human.
"But I hear the coyote. I hear it howling. It hungers and I hear it even now.
"And I want to fight it. I want to believe that there is another way."
The line is silent. The stone stares at him from the center of his palm, surrounded by violent, scarred, skin.
"I understand if you don't want my help—"
"If that was the case, I wouldn't have given you that radio. Of course, I didn't expect you to actually use it. But if there was a chance, however slim, that you were anything like me... Well, it was worth a shot. Now tell me, how long will it take you to get to Jupiter? We can meet up on one of his moons and go from there."
Atom's pulse skips.
"A week and a half, If I leave tomorrow."
"Will you?"
Atom pauses. He chances a glance around the room. In the corner of two black-root walls are his white spacesuit and sword.
"Yes. I will."
"Then, I look forward to our rendezvous."
"Me too." Atom admits. Truth comes easy now.
The weight of his sword in hand is familiar and different all at once.
No longer will it be just a weapon. With this blade he will carve a new road to walk on. A path through the snow for others to follow. A life made by his own hands, with the help of others like him. They will fight, hand in hand, for a life worth living.
Atom's heart beat absorbs this resolve, and sings with it.
-
THAT NIGHT Robby finds him sitting alone on the shore. Once more. He can't stay away. His feet will always carry him back to this.
"You know, I've never been this far from Earth." He says. "I've been all over the galaxy, my galaxy. Spent more time in space than I have on any solid ground. Seen all kinds of sights and planets and yet I still never imagined I would meet other sentient life out here. And here, on your planet, there are thousands of species, with just as many languages and ways of living. And all of them, coexisting. A whole city of wonders, a whole planet of beauty and life and... peace. And here I am. Watching the waves of an ocean that remind me of Earth.
"My name is Atom Belov. I was born on a dying planet, and have spent most of my life killing rebels and anyone who threatened the natural order of things. Anyone who dared to question the reality around them. But I was wrong for that. You have shown me that. And I can't thank you enough. But...
"I sit here and know that I have to go back. I have to return and try to fix things. Because you have shown me that life, somehow, finds a way. Against all odds, it fights to continue. It rages and it pleads and it endures. It will not turn over quietly and die. So I have to go back and help make my planet a better place. It isn't over for us yet. If there is a chance that we may survive, and even someday flourish again, I have to see it. I have to help make it happen. I owe it to myself, and my fellow humans.
"I've decided to leave tomorrow."
Beside him, Robby is a solid shadow.
I knew you wouldn't stay, Atom. As much as I wanted you to, I understand. I would do the same in your position. And I am happy to see you have chosen a purpose for yourself, one that is important to you.
"Until you came along I did not know what it meant to live, not really. I don't know how to even begin to repay you for all that you have done for me."
You owe nothing. You guided me home, and showed me trust, among other wonderful things. Now you are reborn. You have risen from death's door. You are weightless, and changing, and ready to face what comes next. You are the brightest light.
I am forever changed by you.
As he says this his eyes drip stardust onto the sand. One after another.
Atom reaches for his hand and raises it to his lips. He speaks into the cold skin, inscribing his words into Robby's flesh. "I will never forget you."
-
THE FOLLOWING morning is quiet. Atom rises from the bed feeling more rested than he has in a long time.
Carefully he packs everything he owns into his backpack. Spare clothes, his nav slate, the radio given to him by Maverick, and a heavy swath of cloth that takes up most of the remaining empty space in the pack. Dressing in the spacesuit is familiar and the weight of it around his body is a welcome comfort. The world filtered through his helmet enhances the gravity of the situation.
Atom allows it to settle in his bones.
Once he's finished dressing, Robby follows him out of the room. Ever quiet, his presence is one of gentle support. Atom feels it on his back as he steps out into the light of day. Dawn caresses the two of them above the clouds as Robby flies them to the nearest launchpad. Atom holds on tight and knows he will probably never see this planet again. But it would be nice to visit someday, if everything worked out. Someday there might even be a group of humans alive and thriving within the all-city.
Robby's vehicle dips below the clouds and brings them to a wide circular clearing. Atom's pearly white ship sticks out from its surroundings like a fungus. Or a flower, whose seed was carried by the wind into a field of grass. Strange, but benign.
The ground eases up to meet them and when they touchdown Atom disembarks and finds himself directly in the heart of a crowd of villagers.
Robby must have told them, then. Atom twists off his gloves and shoves them into his pockets. With bare hands he allows each of the gathered entities to feel his skin and say their goodbyes. When his chest is ready to burst with their kindness, Robby's mother catches his attention and guides him to the ship's storage bay.
We stocked it with food and supplies, she says. We hear your planet is quite far from here.
At a loss for words, Atom takes her hands and floods her with emotion. She laughs, and pulls him into a hug. Thank you for bringing home my son, she says, before pulling away and merging back with the crowd. Then it's just him and Robby.
His eyes burn brighter than ever. Atom tries to burn the image to memory. But time waits for no one, and home is calling. Ringing in his ears, a choir warm and deep with longing. It's been calling for some time now. Only Atom hadn't understood its meaning. Now it rings clear and louder than ever.
Atom slides his knife out of its holster and holds it out to Robby.
"You won't be needing this. But I don't have much, and I wanted you to have something to remember me by."
Robby takes it with shimmering hands and clenches it tightly to his chest. Bowing his head, he shuffles closer and plants a kiss to Atom's visor. His parting words wrap around Atom's heart, digging deep, imprinting, fusing with this blood.
Safe travels to you, star walker. Be brave. Be boundless. Be bright.
He admits to himself that he isn't made for this kind of weather. His skin craves the piercing cold of winter. The weeks of heavy snowfall, blanketing the hills in bright nights. And the gentle quietness of it all as the drifting snowflakes deafen the world and shrink it down to only your body, standing in silence, as your heartbeat slows in wonder.
Atom opens his eyes and sits up. His new leg glistens in the bright daytime. Its glossy black material is smooth to the touch. Tyur was able to model it to the exact contours of his other leg, and it weighs several pounds less than the previous installment. Soon he would learn to stop overcompensating for the difference.
The sight of it should make him happy, and yet—he finds his mind adrift. His thoughts are like falling snow, caught in wind currents, tossing around the sky and never finding their landing place. This blizzard is deafening, for an entirely different reason.
He stands and goes for a run along the beach. He runs until he feels sick, and collapses in the shallows, washing away his sweat. Something sharp scrapes his shoulder blade as he lays in the surf. He scoops up a fist full of sand and washes the object. It turns out to be just a stone. Nothing special, until Atom turns it over in his palm. There, in the center of the blackened stone, is a round pit made of something yellow and warm and metallic. Holding it to the light, it unmistakably resembles gold.
Atom recalls the image of a man.
A man whose flesh was warm with blood. A man whose blood Atom has felt between his fingers, whose blood Atom watched flow freely from a wound inflicted by his own hand. As he turns the stone over in that same hand the golden pit shimmers. It does not taunt him as Atom expects it to. It simply sits, as stones do, and warms his palm.
Atom raises his arm, far back, and tosses it into the ocean. It breaks the surface without a sound and barely a splash and Atom's breath catches. The blizzard clears, and each cascading snowflake finds its place. He stands, dripping, and steps deeper, unbalanced. He dives, eyes open, head submerged, and frantically searches for the stone. It takes close to half an hour but at last he catches a glimpse of a glittering spot on the ocean floor and scoops it up with both hands.
He swims back to shore, exhausted, and breaks into a jog back along the beach. He does not stop until the sand turns to grass and leaves and moss and branches and sand again as he collapses on the floor of the bedroom in Robby's home. He upends his backpack. The radio falls into his lap and as he waits for it to connect across the distance he tries to catch his breath.
"Oh Atom, how nice of you to call. I was just reciting to myself the entirety of Juliet Summer's Sonnet for the Lost and Furious. What atmospheric noises have you decided to share with me today?"
Atom keeps his eyes on the stone in his hand when he says, "I want to help."
"... With my reciting?"
"No—With your plan. I've been thinking, you'll be stronger if you have a partner. Solarius won't be expecting either of us. If we work together we'll have an even greater chance at success."
"Something not working out in paradise?"
"No it... it's good here. Wonderful. But I've come to realize that that's exactly why I can't stay." He swallows, and releases a shuddering breath. "I'm not meant for this kind of life. This life of... peace. As ironic as that may be. Peace is all I've ever wanted. But it doesn't belong to me. This isn't my place. And if I stayed here, or anywhere else in the universe, I'd feel like I've turned my back on humanity. Turned my back on my past. On everything that I am.
"I can't do that, Maverick. I don't want to.
"I want to help save our planet. I want to see it become what it can be. Something new, something beautiful, something human.
"But I hear the coyote. I hear it howling. It hungers and I hear it even now.
"And I want to fight it. I want to believe that there is another way."
The line is silent. The stone stares at him from the center of his palm, surrounded by violent, scarred, skin.
"I understand if you don't want my help—"
"If that was the case, I wouldn't have given you that radio. Of course, I didn't expect you to actually use it. But if there was a chance, however slim, that you were anything like me... Well, it was worth a shot. Now tell me, how long will it take you to get to Jupiter? We can meet up on one of his moons and go from there."
Atom's pulse skips.
"A week and a half, If I leave tomorrow."
"Will you?"
Atom pauses. He chances a glance around the room. In the corner of two black-root walls are his white spacesuit and sword.
"Yes. I will."
"Then, I look forward to our rendezvous."
"Me too." Atom admits. Truth comes easy now.
The weight of his sword in hand is familiar and different all at once.
No longer will it be just a weapon. With this blade he will carve a new road to walk on. A path through the snow for others to follow. A life made by his own hands, with the help of others like him. They will fight, hand in hand, for a life worth living.
Atom's heart beat absorbs this resolve, and sings with it.
-
THAT NIGHT Robby finds him sitting alone on the shore. Once more. He can't stay away. His feet will always carry him back to this.
"You know, I've never been this far from Earth." He says. "I've been all over the galaxy, my galaxy. Spent more time in space than I have on any solid ground. Seen all kinds of sights and planets and yet I still never imagined I would meet other sentient life out here. And here, on your planet, there are thousands of species, with just as many languages and ways of living. And all of them, coexisting. A whole city of wonders, a whole planet of beauty and life and... peace. And here I am. Watching the waves of an ocean that remind me of Earth.
"My name is Atom Belov. I was born on a dying planet, and have spent most of my life killing rebels and anyone who threatened the natural order of things. Anyone who dared to question the reality around them. But I was wrong for that. You have shown me that. And I can't thank you enough. But...
"I sit here and know that I have to go back. I have to return and try to fix things. Because you have shown me that life, somehow, finds a way. Against all odds, it fights to continue. It rages and it pleads and it endures. It will not turn over quietly and die. So I have to go back and help make my planet a better place. It isn't over for us yet. If there is a chance that we may survive, and even someday flourish again, I have to see it. I have to help make it happen. I owe it to myself, and my fellow humans.
"I've decided to leave tomorrow."
Beside him, Robby is a solid shadow.
I knew you wouldn't stay, Atom. As much as I wanted you to, I understand. I would do the same in your position. And I am happy to see you have chosen a purpose for yourself, one that is important to you.
"Until you came along I did not know what it meant to live, not really. I don't know how to even begin to repay you for all that you have done for me."
You owe nothing. You guided me home, and showed me trust, among other wonderful things. Now you are reborn. You have risen from death's door. You are weightless, and changing, and ready to face what comes next. You are the brightest light.
I am forever changed by you.
As he says this his eyes drip stardust onto the sand. One after another.
Atom reaches for his hand and raises it to his lips. He speaks into the cold skin, inscribing his words into Robby's flesh. "I will never forget you."
-
THE FOLLOWING morning is quiet. Atom rises from the bed feeling more rested than he has in a long time.
Carefully he packs everything he owns into his backpack. Spare clothes, his nav slate, the radio given to him by Maverick, and a heavy swath of cloth that takes up most of the remaining empty space in the pack. Dressing in the spacesuit is familiar and the weight of it around his body is a welcome comfort. The world filtered through his helmet enhances the gravity of the situation.
Atom allows it to settle in his bones.
Once he's finished dressing, Robby follows him out of the room. Ever quiet, his presence is one of gentle support. Atom feels it on his back as he steps out into the light of day. Dawn caresses the two of them above the clouds as Robby flies them to the nearest launchpad. Atom holds on tight and knows he will probably never see this planet again. But it would be nice to visit someday, if everything worked out. Someday there might even be a group of humans alive and thriving within the all-city.
Robby's vehicle dips below the clouds and brings them to a wide circular clearing. Atom's pearly white ship sticks out from its surroundings like a fungus. Or a flower, whose seed was carried by the wind into a field of grass. Strange, but benign.
The ground eases up to meet them and when they touchdown Atom disembarks and finds himself directly in the heart of a crowd of villagers.
Robby must have told them, then. Atom twists off his gloves and shoves them into his pockets. With bare hands he allows each of the gathered entities to feel his skin and say their goodbyes. When his chest is ready to burst with their kindness, Robby's mother catches his attention and guides him to the ship's storage bay.
We stocked it with food and supplies, she says. We hear your planet is quite far from here.
At a loss for words, Atom takes her hands and floods her with emotion. She laughs, and pulls him into a hug. Thank you for bringing home my son, she says, before pulling away and merging back with the crowd. Then it's just him and Robby.
His eyes burn brighter than ever. Atom tries to burn the image to memory. But time waits for no one, and home is calling. Ringing in his ears, a choir warm and deep with longing. It's been calling for some time now. Only Atom hadn't understood its meaning. Now it rings clear and louder than ever.
Atom slides his knife out of its holster and holds it out to Robby.
"You won't be needing this. But I don't have much, and I wanted you to have something to remember me by."
Robby takes it with shimmering hands and clenches it tightly to his chest. Bowing his head, he shuffles closer and plants a kiss to Atom's visor. His parting words wrap around Atom's heart, digging deep, imprinting, fusing with this blood.
Safe travels to you, star walker. Be brave. Be boundless. Be bright.